the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
