we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
