Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
