hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
