I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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