They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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