You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
