Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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