So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
