so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
