Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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