i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
