you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
