umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
