Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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