I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
