turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
