This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize