ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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