I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize