Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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