so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
