Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize