a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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