I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
