Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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