if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
