just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
