I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
