No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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