I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
