Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize