the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
birth control should be required to get into college
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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