I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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