yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
