I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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