Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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