Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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