i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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