just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize