dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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