You're so nebulous sometimes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize