I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
