well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
