I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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