I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it because I queefed?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
