Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
