Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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