ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
