you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
