I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
be right there i have to get my cape
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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