butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
