dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
