Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
