In the future we'll all be gay
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
