he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dignity is for republicans.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
