the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
