Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
