The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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