I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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