I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
