I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
