i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she peed on how many people?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
