So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
