Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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