Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
