He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
