Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
