his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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