My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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