I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
