your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
