Tell her she can't have a vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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