I puked a lego.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize